it is always missing from the question "where are you from" like the white wind in Kolkata Decembers that no one would be able to see it if it weren't for the brown dirt floating through.
i have lost this home, and it leaves behind a pregnant space of answers that no one likes to hear. the regret haunts me: it looks dark like my skin in the summer, like my father, like my grandmother's tea.
shame on me for thinking that i could belong somewhere as i am stuck between one, a beginning, two, an end. maybe i should draw a line to connect them and meet in the middle.
ii.
how can i unlearn a whole history that i was born with? i need to memorize how to walk backwards first, not ready. i must go back to where i came from, feet inching away from this doorframe, this street, this city, this airplane, this country, this ocean, this terminal.
there is a lot to gain in the things you've lost, my grandfather used to say in his warm Bengali. i remember again those syllables when my feet touch this fragrant earth like muscle memory strengthened by this solid gain.
this is when i know myself amongst the street noises, the sizzling of round roti, the faces of the past. this is when the place i have lost becomes found, my own again. here, the heat is so sticky that it does not allow for things to be stolen from me, like all those times before.
05:10:00 PM {"id":128,"user_id":1,"title":"eulogy for home","slug":"eulogy-home-lagnajita","excerpt":"","content":"<p><strong><img src=\"\/storage\/app\/media\/kolkata_lagnajita.jpeg\" width=\"100px\" \/><br \/>Lagnajita Mukhopadhyay, Nashville Youth Poet Laureate<\/strong><\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">i.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">it is always missing <br \/>from the question <br \/>\"where are you from\"<br \/>like the white wind in <br \/>Kolkata Decembers <br \/>that no one would be <br \/>able to see it if it weren't <br \/>for the brown dirt <br \/>floating through.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">i have lost this home, and <br \/>it leaves behind a pregnant <br \/>space of answers that no one <br \/>likes to hear. the regret <br \/>haunts me: it looks dark <br \/>like my skin in the summer, <br \/>like my father, like my <br \/>grandmother's tea.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">shame on me for thinking <br \/>that i could belong somewhere <br \/>as i am stuck between one, <br \/>a beginning, two, an end. <br \/>maybe i should draw a line <br \/>to connect them and meet <br \/>in the middle.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">ii.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">how can i unlearn a whole <br \/>history that i was born with? <br \/>i need to memorize how to <br \/>walk backwards first, not ready. <br \/>i must go back to where i came <br \/>from, feet inching away from <br \/>this doorframe, this street, <br \/>this city, this airplane, <br \/>this country, this ocean, <br \/>this terminal.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">there is a lot to gain in the <br \/>things you've lost, my <br \/>grandfather used to say <br \/>in his warm Bengali. i <br \/>remember again those syllables <br \/>when my feet touch this fragrant <br \/>earth like muscle memory <br \/>strengthened by this solid gain.<\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">this is when i know myself <br \/>amongst the street noises, <br \/>the sizzling of round roti, <br \/>the faces of the past. <br \/>this is when the place i have <br \/>lost becomes found, my own <br \/>again. here, the heat is so <br \/>sticky that it does not allow <br \/>for things to be stolen from me, <br \/>like all those times before.<\/p>","content_html":"<p><strong><img src=\"\/storage\/app\/media\/kolkata_lagnajita.jpeg\" width=\"100px\"><br>Lagnajita Mukhopadhyay,\u00a0Nashville Youth Poet Laureate<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">i.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">it is always missing <br>from the question <br>\"where are you from\"<br>like the white wind in <br>Kolkata Decembers <br>that no one would be <br>able to see it if it weren't <br>for the brown dirt <br>floating through.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">i have lost this home, and <br>it leaves behind a pregnant <br>space of answers that no one <br>likes to hear. the regret <br>haunts me: it looks dark <br>like my skin in the summer, <br>like my father, like my <br>grandmother's tea.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">shame on me for thinking <br>that i could belong somewhere <br>as i am stuck between one, <br>a beginning, two, an end. <br>maybe i should draw a line <br>to connect them and meet <br>in the middle.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">ii.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">how can i unlearn a whole <br>history that i was born with? <br>i need to memorize how to <br>walk backwards first, not ready. <br>i must go back to where i came <br>from, feet inching away from <br>this doorframe, this street, <br>this city, this airplane, <br>this country, this ocean, <br>this terminal.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">there is a lot to gain in the <br>things you've lost, my <br>grandfather used to say <br>in his warm Bengali. i <br>remember again those syllables <br>when my feet touch this fragrant <br>earth like muscle memory <br>strengthened by this solid gain.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">this is when i know myself <br>amongst the street noises, <br>the sizzling of round roti, <br>the faces of the past. <br>this is when the place i have <br>lost becomes found, my own <br>again. here, the heat is so <br>sticky that it does not allow <br>for things to be stolen from me, <br>like all those times before.<\/p>","published_at":"2019-03-12 17:10:00","published":1,"created_at":"2019-03-12 17:05:00","updated_at":"2023-06-21 13:46:09","metadata":null,"ginopane_blogtaxonomy_series_id":null,"seo_title":null,"seo_description":null,"seo_keywords":null,"canonical_url":null,"redirect_url":null,"robot_index":null,"robot_follow":null,"summary":"<p><strong><img src=\"\/storage\/app\/media\/kolkata_lagnajita.jpeg\" width=\"100px\"><br>Lagnajita Mukhopadhyay,\u00a0Nashville Youth Poet Laureate<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">i.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">it is always missing <br>from the question <br>\"where are you from\"<br>like the white wind in <br>Kolkata Decembers <br>that no one would be <br>able to see it if it weren't <br>for the brown dirt <br>floating through.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">i have lost this home, and <br>it leaves behind a pregnant <br>space of answers that no one <br>likes to hear. the regret <br>haunts me: it looks dark <br>like my skin in the summer, <br>like my father, like my <br>grandmother's tea.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">shame on me for thinking <br>that i could belong somewhere <br>as i am stuck between one, <br>a beginning, two, an end. <br>maybe i should draw a line <br>to connect them...<\/br><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/p><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/p><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/br><\/p><\/strong><\/p>","has_summary":true,"categories":[{"id":27,"name":"\u09aa\u09cd\u09b0\u09ac\u09be\u09b8\u09c7","slug":"international","code":null,"description":"","parent_id":null,"nest_left":53,"nest_right":58,"nest_depth":0,"created_at":"2019-02-01 15:15:12","updated_at":"2019-03-14 15:07:02","url":"https:\/\/www.banglaworldwide.com\/category\/international","pivot":{"post_id":128,"category_id":27}},{"id":32,"name":"\u09aa\u09cd\u09b0\u09ac\u09be\u09b8\u09c7 \u09ac\u09be\u0999\u09be\u09b2\u09bf","slug":"non-resident-bengali","code":null,"description":"","parent_id":27,"nest_left":54,"nest_right":55,"nest_depth":1,"created_at":"2019-02-12 14:22:34","updated_at":"2019-03-26 16:47:56","url":"https:\/\/www.banglaworldwide.com\/category\/non-resident-bengali","pivot":{"post_id":128,"category_id":32}},{"id":25,"name":"\u09b8\u0982\u09b8\u09cd\u0995\u09c3\u09a4\u09bf","slug":"culture","code":null,"description":"","parent_id":null,"nest_left":29,"nest_right":42,"nest_depth":0,"created_at":"2019-01-29 13:30:50","updated_at":"2019-02-12 14:15:34","url":"https:\/\/www.banglaworldwide.com\/category\/culture","pivot":{"post_id":128,"category_id":25}},{"id":28,"name":"\u09b8\u09be\u09b9\u09bf\u09a4\u09cd\u09af","slug":"litrature","code":null,"description":"","parent_id":25,"nest_left":30,"nest_right":31,"nest_depth":1,"created_at":"2019-02-07 12:35:48","updated_at":"2019-03-30 13:00:16","url":"https:\/\/www.banglaworldwide.com\/category\/litrature","pivot":{"post_id":128,"category_id":28}}],"featured_images":[{"id":254,"disk_name":"5c87995d039cb755222889.jpg","file_name":"kolkata.jpg","file_size":106704,"content_type":"image\/jpeg","title":null,"description":null,"field":"featured_images","sort_order":254,"created_at":"2019-03-12 17:04:53","updated_at":"2019-03-12 17:05:00","path":"https:\/\/www.banglaworldwide.com\/storage\/app\/uploads\/public\/5c8\/799\/5d0\/5c87995d039cb755222889.jpg","extension":"jpg"}]} December 22nd am 31 9:20am
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